Does he know I am his daughter? – Alzheimer’s Awareness – Honest Emily

So I do not really know enough about the stages of these things to have an informed and scientific view point of them but I can tell you from personal experience the decline I have seen in my father.

He asked to be moved down to the south coast, thinking he would be able to have his own place when in reality he needs to live in a care home. He used to live in the area when he was a young lad in the army which means down here he has no memories associated with the places and myself or my mother.  He had me when he was in his 50’s and he lived in the North West.

This has come with its own challenges and to begin with he shown no real sign of not knowing who I was. However as many people will know, he has tried to cover up a lot and its fast became apparent how far his brain was allowing him to connect the dots. He has now been on the south cost for almost a year and there have been serval key moments which has shown to me the extent of how much he remembers me, who I am and my connection to him.

One of the first things that started to happen quite a lot in the last few months is he doesn’t know who my mother is. My mother is his second wife, and he would quite often think his first wife was my mother, and I would correct him in the nicest, chattiest and easiest way I could. He would then go on to say ‘Oh I know that my dear, of course!’ Which we all know means he doesn’t have a clue.

But then one day we had a far longer phone conversation than normal and he was asking about my mother, who I patiently explained again, but then he came in with ‘So who is your dad then?’. If I am honest I couldn’t for the life of me tell you my exact answer, but I did my usual response in an indirect, chatty and jokey way to try and inform him but also reassure him its ok that he doesn’t remember.

Also on the odd occasion depending on what time I would come to visit him, he would look at me, stay seated and almost have no response what so ever. So I would continue as normal until maybe a full minute later, he would start to light up a little more and understand that at least someone was there to see him and eventually slip back into our usual chatty twosome.

It’s always a joy when he remembers the odd thing that may have happened, one memory he loves to recall is the time be first brought me down to London ready to go to university. And more often than not if we are out and having a nice time, the way he would talk to me about certain things, it was as if I didn’t know certain things/people which indicates to me he hasn’t quite placed what my relationship is to him but he is quite happy having a chat and a joke about whatever situation.

Either way you take what moments you can, my thoughts are there is no point in getting upset or angry, just crack on and enjoy everything as it comes. Which is partly the reason why I want to document as much as I can.

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