Christmas Eve 2017

I get there a lot later than I want, but that’s life. And if I don’t write this now, I will forget everything.

He was having dinner, and he knew my face but not sure he knew must else at this stage, but that is an assumption.

There were 2 other people visiting someone else and he was certain they were police, and all he could talk about how they want to put him in prison, and they can do, he just doesn’t care. To be honest, there was no real difference, he has always thought like this, maybe just not of been so open about his thoughts, and talked about it for so long. But that’s what paranoia gets you.

I made sure to drop in where I naturally could that he is my father, and I am his daughter, so that if he wasn’t sure, its a gentle reminder for him. Towards the end, he got there.

As it was dark, we sat in the front conservatory bit, and every second sentence was asking how I would get home. He wants to walk me home, he keeps repeating:

‘I know where I am going, and what I am doing you know. And I walk a lot, that’s how I keep fit. And in the dark, I want to make sure you get back ok.’

‘I would feel a lot better if I knew you got home ok, I can walk myself home you know.’

So I would make light of it, change the subject and say I would feel better with him staying there. Towards the end, he would say, ‘what kinda father would allow his daughter to walk home in the dark.’ to which point he lost his rag, and I knew there was no entertaining him.

I knew it already, an it was worth a try, but there is no staying past dark, he just won’t allow it.

And whenever I visit he will just try and get rid of me, but I tried, and I will see him tomorrow.

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