There is currently a trend of looking back to 2016 and comparing it to today. And it is kind of confronting how we can historically think of a decade, and what changes in that, what it actually means, and this is the first time that concept can actually sink in for me. This is a space on the internet that is for me, and for those who want to be nosey, so I don’t mind rambling and reliving my time for my future self and anyone else who happens upon it.
2016 was the first year that I can actually remember what actually happened via what year it was. You know how some people can just reel of, ‘oh yeh that happened in 2005!?’ Not a clue mate. But pivotal moments for me were moving to London for Uni, and the incidents surrounding my Father and getting his diagnosis of Dementia, and then him dying. And all of my life events orbit these big milestones for me.
It’s been 5 years since he died, and 10 since he was diagnosed. It’s surprising to me how much your life can change and look different over time. For starters, I do think that photo of me on the right is now also 10 years old, and while I am not one to be overly vain, I can tell the impact age is having on my skin, and I am very much giving mid 30’s and don’t use SPF enough haha. Living on a boat for the last 5 years was also hinged on my Father’s passing, as well as accepting my Queerness. I almost certainly still have some clothes from over 10 years ago, and some events that happened pre 2020 still only feel like it was maybe 2 years ago!? Not to mention the resurgence of 90’s pop, 70’s fashion, and lots of other things showing how cyclical we are as society. I often think about parents in cars singing to 80s music and kids rolling their eyes, but that is literally me now (without the kids).
I have been blessed enough to ask/wish for ways of life and then actually get to live them. This time last year I wasn’t working, in a short-term mooring in central london wondering what my life would look like, but hoped for a fulfilling part time job, so I still had time to live life around that. And that’s me right now! I always try and keep things slow and thankful for my situation, knowing I could have only dreamed that this would be my life in 2026 from 2016.
With diagnosis of neurodiversity, I also know myself better, give myself grace for past actions, and try to lean into elements of myself that are good for me, and work on some functions and habits that are not so good for me. 2016 year old me loved the idea of reading books, but now I can listen to several a month as audiobooks in the library. It’s the little wins, acknowledgement of growth, that are important to understand and mark in yourself, help to slow time down even more, and try and live in the present.
My heart is still with anyone who is living with and loving someone with Dementia, and I look back with pride and understanding at what happened in my situation. Use that as a strong foundation, a memento mori as you will, and I look forward to whatever the next 10 years have in store for me too!
Any maybe I will finally update that picture of me with my current iteration of colourful hair instead.